an irreverant and gorgeous prayer

A Prayer for You

I'm happy to announce that this a perfect moment. It's a perfect
moment for many reasons, but especially because I have been
inspired to say gigantic prayer for all of you. I've been roused
to unleash a divinely greedy, apocalyptically healing prayer for
each and every one of you -- even those of you who don't believe
in the power of prayer.

And so I am starting to pray right now to the God of Gods... the
God beyond all Gods... the Girlfriend of God... the Teacher of
God... the Goddess who invented God.

Dear Goddess, You who never kill but only change:

I pray that my exuberant, suave and accidental words will move you
to shower ferocious blessing down on everyone who reads this
benediction.

I pray that you will give them what they don't even know they want
-- not just the boons they think they need but everything they've
always been afraid to even imagine or ask for.

Dear Goddess, You wealthy anarchist burning heaven to the ground:

Many of the divine chameleons out there don't even know that their
souls will live forever. So please use your blinding magic to help
them see that they are all wildly creative geniuses too big for
their own personalities.

Guide them to realize that they are all completely different from
what they think they are and more exciting than they can possibly
imagine.

Make it illegal, immoral, irrelevant, unpatriotic and totally
tasteless for them to be in love with anyone or anything that's no
good for them.

O Goddess, You who give us so much love and pain mixed together
that our morality is always on the verge of collapsing:

I beg you to cast a boisterous love spell that will nullify all
the dumb ideas, bad decisions and nasty conditioning that have
ever cursed the wise and sexy virtuosos out there.

Remove, banish, annihilate and laugh into oblivion any jinx that
has clung to them, no matter how long they've suffered from it,
and even if they've become accustomed or addicted to its ugly
companionship.

And please conjure an aura of protection around them so that they
will receive an early warning if they are ever about to act in
such a way as to bring another hex or plague or voodoo into their
lives in the future.

Dear Goddess, sweet Goddess, You sly universal virus with no
fucking opinion:

I pray that you will help all the personal growth addicts out
there become disciplined enough to go crazy in the name of
creation, not destruction.

I pray that you will help all the personal growth addicts out
there become disciplined enough to go crazy in the name of
creation, not destruction.

I pray that you will teach them the difference between oppressive
self-control and liberating self-control, awaken in them the power
to do the half-right thin when it is impossible to do the totally
right thing.

Arouse the Wild Woman within them -- even if they're men.

And please give them bigger, better, more original sings and
wilder, wetter, more interesting problems.

Dear Goddess, You pregnant slut who scorns all mediocre longing:

I pray that you will inspire all the compassionate rascals
communing with this prayer to love their enemies just in case
their friends turn out to be jerks.

Provoke them to throw away or give away all the things they own
that encourage them to be3lieve that they are better than anyone
else.

Show them how much fun it is to brag about what they cannot do and
do not have.
Most of all, Goddess, brainwash them with your freedom so that
they never love their own pain more than anyone else's pain.

Dear Goddess, You psychedelic mushroom cloud at the center of all
our brains:

The curiously diving human beings reading this prayer deserve
everything they are yearning for and much, much more.

So please bless them with lucid dreams while they are wide awake
and solar-energy-operated sex toys that work even in the dark and
vacuum cleaners for their magic carpets and a knack for avoiding
other people's hells and their very own 900 number so that
everyone has to pay to talk to them and a secret admirer who is
not a psychotic stalker.

Dear Goddess, You fiercely tender, hauntingly reassuring,
orgiastically sacred feeling that is even now running through all
of our soft, warm animal bodies:

I pray that you provide everyone out there with a license to bend
and even break all rules, laws and traditions that keep them apart
from the things they love.

Show them how to purge the wishy-washy wishes that distract them
from their daring, dramatic, divine desires.

And teach them that they can have anything they want if they'll
only ask for it in an unselfish way.

And now dear God of Gods, God beyond all Gods, Girlfriend of God,
Teacher of God, Goddess who invented God, I bring this prayer to a
close, trusting that in these mysterious moments you have begun to
change everyone out there in the exact way they've needed to
change in order to express their soul's code.

Amen. Awomen. And glory halle-fucking-lujah.


(from an email i received; source unknown)