Thursday, January 31, 2008

Supreme Court Declares George Bush Winner of Florida Primaries (both!)

In a stunning political development this evening, the Florida Supreme Court has intervened in the Florida Republican Primary and declared George W. Bush the winner over Mitt Romney, John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, and Mike Huckabee.

The Florida Supreme Court has announced as well that George W. Bush is also the winner of the Democratic Primary over Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John Edwards!

"Most of our citizens are not able to vote anyway. We've got lots of old, retired Jews from up north who sit around all day playing shuffleboard and crowd the lines at the buffets. We've also got lots of Cubans who don't speak English and spend all of their time using drugs and trying to kill each other. The rest of our citizens are running around on the beach half naked trying to get a cameo on CSI Miami or are getting ready to serve lots of beer to alcoholic teens for spring break."

"Since none of those people have the time to vote, we just did it for them."

~ state election official Bertha Bumble

more on this developing story over at dailykos

(note: for those of you with guns to your heads, don't pull the trigger.  this is just a parody... for now) 

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